About Me

Chad is a lone wolf. He is a loose cannon. He is a fly in the ointment. He is the 29th of February. He is a complete curveball. He is the square root of minus one. He is the butterfly effect. He’s when you think there’s one more step on the stairs in the dark but there isn’t. He’s midnight mass. He’s a universal constant. He’s a cliff in a storm. He’s an irregular playing field. He’s the joker of the pack. He’s how long a piece of string is. He’s the root cause. He’s a trick hip. He’s a drop in the ocean. He’s the letter Q. He’s the third eye. He’s the seventh element. He’s the tenth cloud. He’s the thirteenth apostle. He’s the decline and fall. He’s the opposable thumb. He’s the square of the distance between two points. He’s the rapture. He’s an interview with himself. He’s a maverick, a pioneer, a martyr, a hermit, a fool, an emperor, a lucky break, an ill-informed decision, a fluke, a fine mess, a snowball, a pin-drop, and a babbling brook.

There are people who say that Chad Eastwood is a fraud. These people include Chad Eastwood. However, they are wrong. There is a difference between being a fraud and a liar. A fraud, at least as far as to be a fraud as a person goes, believes in what he says, or at least says he believes in what he says, or at least thinks he believes what he says he believes he says. But Chad Eastwood doesn’t believe anything he says. He is an out-and-out liar. This is a man who will tell you in the morning that he is a Marxist, and in the evening that he is a capitalist. This is a man who will convince you beyond doubt that he believes only in what is available to his senses, before lauding the virtues of the spirit world. Do not trust anything this man says.

Let me tell you a story about this charlatan, Chad Eastwood. About seven years ago, he was working as Professor of Quantum Mechanics at a prestigious university in the U.S.A., which cannot be named for legal reasons, (although I’ve just done it). How he landed the job is anyone’s guess, but he never showed up for work, never did a tap of research, and after what can only be described as a paid vacation of six months, published a book on the topic of Schrodinger’s Cat which was 497 pages long and entirely blank. Called before the Board to explain his actions, or lack thereof, Chad Eastwood told them that he had both written a book and not written a book, had both worked and not worked, and in fact, was both at this meeting and not at this meeting as he was drunk out of his head on absinth and green chartreuse. The university awarded him with lifetime tenure, which Chad Eastwood accepted. The Board and Chad Eastwood then went out to a local bar to celebrate. Later that night, however, Chad Eastwood had the Dean arrested for grievous bodily harm after Chad Eastwood tripped himself up on his way down the stairs, being, as mentioned, completely off his trolley on hard liquor. The next day, Chad Eastwood quit his job at the university and went to work as a shoe salesman on a cruise ship in the Mediterranean. The university to this day periodically receives letters of complaint which are totally devoid of content.