<\/p>\n\n\n\n
One-Horned Bull was a bull of a mountain herd that had about fifty cows under him. Cows and humans had been going at it for thousands of years, (according to the story), by the time One-Horned Bull came to power. It was a given thing that cows would spend much of their lives on the run from humans, and humans would spend much of their lives running after cows. Nobody had ever thought to sit down and try to come to some kind of an agreement. Not until One-Horned Bull came along.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He was sitting under a tree when the idea came to him and he quickly imparted it to his lead cow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHey,\u201d he said, \u201cI\u2019ve just had an idea.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s that One-horn?\u201d said the lead cow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe spend a lot of time running away from humans, don\u2019t we?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe do indeed One-horn. Probably because they kill us if they catch us.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s the reason indeed. But is it necessary? All this running? Couldn\u2019t we come to some kind of an arrangement with them? With the humans?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNot sure I\u2019m following you One-horn. What arrangement?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell, now bear with me here. What if we let<\/em> them kill us?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWouldn\u2019t really be a step forward there One-horn. Don\u2019t think the rest of the herd will go for that one, to be fair.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo, no. Hear me out. We let them kill us, but only after a certain length of time. They give us a home, feed us, protect us from wolves and bears, take care of any medical problems, and then, in the end, they can kill us and eat us. What do you think?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNot sure big fella. It\u2019s the killing and eating part. Not very persuasive, to be fair, One-horn.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWell, think about it. How many of us did they kill last year?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh, I don\u2019t know, maybe seventeen, eighteen.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cExactly. So they\u2019re killing us anyway<\/em>. And who\u2019s next?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cCould be anyone. Could be me. Or you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cExactly! None of us know when it\u2019s coming. I can\u2019t live like this anymore. We tell them that they can for sure kill ten of us per year and the chosen ten all know in advance. That way, fewer cows are killed, and everyone\u2019s happy. The humans can stop running after us, and we get rid of all this stress. Not to mention getting a permanent home, medical treatment, free food winter and summer, and protection from all the other things that want to kill us.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cStill, the killing part, you know? Maybe I don\u2019t get hunted. Maybe I die of natural causes. It does happen.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh right! So you might get killed by a falling rock, or fall in the river, or get some crazy disease, is that what you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWell\u2026..\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m doing it. I\u2019m going to go and talk to the humans and see what they think.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut One-horn, I really can\u2019t see them going for it either. As far as I know they love running after us. It\u2019s not a great deal for them, is it, really?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo, you\u2019re right. It\u2019s a much better deal for us. But I can only try. I\u2019ve got to do something. I can\u2019t live like this anymore. It\u2019s worth a try. We might have to concede medical treatment or something, but sure I\u2019ll try everything. In fact, I\u2019m going to do it right now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n One-horned Bull set off across the fields. Well, you can imagine the commotion in the human camp when this huge bull was seen tumbling across the land towards them. The children panicked and ran away. Women screamed. Men grabbed their clubs and Barry Mulhern accidentally swallowed a paperclip.<\/p>\n\n\n\n However, it became clear as One-horn got closer that he wasn\u2019t there to pick a fight, (no pun intended). Everyone relaxed a bit and the leader of the human tribe went out to meet the huge bull. The conversation continued for some minutes and then One-horn was invited into the human camp to discuss things further over a cup of tea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n They sat him down in the main tent. The humans all gathered round and seated themselves as far from One-Horn as possible. They were all drinking tea. It was unusual because they were taking sips of the tea and then spitting it out, but One-Horn didn\u2019t question it. It\u2019s better not to question too much when you are dealing with humans, he figured, because the answer ends up leaving you more confused than you had been in the beginning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When he looked at them they tried to hide inside their own faces. Only the leader, who was sitting opposite, and another human with red hair, who was sitting beside the leader, met One-Horn\u2019s gaze. They were all petrified. The first thing that he thought was, well why, if they are so afraid of me, can\u2019t I just ram the whole lot of them and be done with it? But he had heard the stories about that kind of thing. The humans just keep coming back. They\u2019re like cockroaches: you kill one, and there\u2019s a hundred waiting behind the wall. So he stuck to his plan of negotiating some kind of a mutually beneficial partnership. After some shuffling, the meeting began. The leader spoke first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cPraise be Flobb. Flobb be praised.\u201d He said. One-Horn had no idea what this was all about, but the other humans all answered:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIn Flobb we trust.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The leader continued:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWe are gathered here today to welcome a fine and noble guest. Please raise your cups as I introduce One-horned Bull, who is a representative of the herd of cows on the slopes of the mountain.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The humans all raised their cups to One-Horn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOne-Horn is here today with a very unusual proposal, which he and I have briefly discussed on in the field. I will turn the floor over to you One-horn and you can tell us what this is all about.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThank you, human,\u201d said One-Horn. \u201cHumans, what I would like to propose to you is quite radical. I propose a cessation of hunting and running away. I would like to suggest that we come to a mutual agreement regarding the fact that you want to eat us and we want to live normal lives without being constantly afraid of being eaten. My proposal is this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s it. No more running around after us. Guaranteed meat all year round in exchange for food, medicine and protection.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n On-Horn waited for a reaction to this. The humans seemed perplexed. After a pause, the leader spoke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThank you One-horn. But One-horn, this is a very good deal for you cows, but not such a good deal for us. We are killing and eating more than ten of you per year at the moment. Why would we accept anything less?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n One-Horn had to think on his feet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThat is true, human, but I am guaranteeing<\/em> you ten. Also, think about the time you would save. No more hunting. You could spend that time doing something else.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut One-horn, we like<\/em> hunting. We enjoy it. That is a negative point, not a positive one. Besides, what would we do with the extra time?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWell maybe you could invent things.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The humans began to talk amongst themselves. One-Horn could see from their faces that they were not impressed. They hadn\u2019t expected this at all. The leader spoke again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOne-horn, let us get this straight. On your part you get free food, shelter, medical care and protection against other predators. And<\/em> fewer<\/em> of you will be killed. On our part we get less meat and a whole lot of extra work taking care of you cows. That\u2019syour proposal?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOkay One-horn. Let us have a few more moments to discuss this. Although, I have to say One-horn, that it doesn\u2019t appear to be a very attractive proposition. However, let\u2019s have some more tea and we\u2019ll think it over.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some humans appeared and began topping up everyone\u2019s tea. The ritual of sipping and spitting out began again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n One of the humans came over to where One-Horn was seated and put a cup and saucer under his nose and asked if he\u2019d like some. He accepted the cup and then took a sip and spat out the tea as they had all been doing themselves. There was a general surprised murmur. One-Horn wasn\u2019t sure about what he had done wrong, since they were all doing exactly the same thing. The leader spoke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI see you don\u2019t like our tea,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh, no. It\u2019s okay,\u201d One-Horn replied, \u201cthank you very much. It\u2019s lovely tea.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThen why are you spitting it out?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWell, all of you are spitting it out.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYes. We<\/em> don\u2019t like it. But it\u2019s a surprise that you<\/em> don\u2019t like it too. Could you tell us what the problem is?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo, no. There\u2019s no problem. It\u2019s lovely.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWell it\u2019s obviously not. You wouldn\u2019t be spitting it out if it were lovely.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWell,\u201d he said, \u201cit could do with a bit of milk.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat is this \u2018milk\u2019<\/em>?\u201d asked the leader.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cActually I have some right here,\u201d said One-Horn, and took out a bottle of milk that he had been keeping behind his ear for emergencies. He handed it over to the leader.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou mean,\u201d said the leader, \u201cPut this<\/em> into the tea?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYes,\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The leader poured a bit of milk into his tea. There was a tense silence as the leader raised the cup to his lips. He drank. And then he swallowed. The silence became a gasp. The leader\u2019s face reeled in astonishment. There was no spitting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cGreat Flobb!\u201d said the leader, \u201cThis is delicious!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The leader passed the bottle of milk to the red-haired guy. The red-haired guy passed the bottle to the guy next to him and the bottle made its\u2019 way around the room until there was none left. The atmosphere double-backed upon itself. As the humans drank the tea with milk, they fell back in an ecstatic stupor. Some of them began to giggle. One man got up and proclaimed that his sight had returned. Another man announced that his real name was Gertrude. One man even sprouted wings and flew right out of the tent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n One-Horn waited until they had calmed down a bit before delivering the line that clenched the deal:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThere\u2019s more where that came from.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n And that was it. They agreed to everything, with the extra provision that they could milk the female cows so as they could have milk for their tea. One-Horn left the human camp and went back to tell the herd. The following night they were all snuggled up in a hay barn the humans had made for them, and the humans watched them sleep as they drank their milky tea.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" One-Horned Bull was a bull of a mountain herd that had about fifty cows under him. Cows and humans had been going at it for thousands of years, (according to the story), by the time One-Horned Bull came to power. 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